FINAL SIX: THE SIX BEST METAL LOVE & HATE SONGS

By editorial intern Chris Krovatin

It’s officially warm out here in NYC, and you know what that means: pure emotional chaos (and Mr. Softee!). With light and warmth comes a flood of hormones and a distaste for clothing, and suddenly the streets of your fair hometown are clogged with women in tiny shorts and tube tops and beckoning smiles (though maybe I’m just a pervert). It’s spring, when the little bluebird who has never said a word decides it’s time to get his bone on and choose a mate. Suddenly everyone wants to strip down and hook up. There’s no season better suited to love.

I don’t know whether to sigh or vomit.

I’m a perfect balance of hopeless romantic and miserable misanthrope. Being in love is so fantastic it hurts; being single makes me want to throw everyone in this office out of a helicopter (guess which one I am now). So when spring comes around, I’m torn between frolicking through sunlit fields and locking myself in the bathroom for about two weeks with a skin mag, a bottle of Old Crow, and a pair of pliers. So for all you fellow scar-crossed lovers out there, here’re the Six Best Metal Love & Hate Songs.

The Six Best Metal Love Songs

1) Type O Negative, “Bloody Kisses (A Death in the Family)” Type O’s epic goth dirge chronicles the plight of a man whose true loves kills herself—and his desire to do so himself. Pete Steele’s angsty rumble has never sounded better.

2) Motörhead, “Sacrifice” In one of their rare experiments with abnormal rhythmic patterns, Lemmy & Co. paint a picture of heartbreak fueled by pure rage. Both personal and sad, but still metal as all fuck.

3) Cradle Of Filth, “Her Ghost In The Fog” Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Priests covet girl. Priests rape and murder girl in the snow. Boy locks priests in church and burns church to the ground. Boy cuddles with dead girl. God, isn’t it just precious?

4) Black Sabbath, “Sabra Cadabra” Most metal love songs—check out the other entries—are about the pain of love, or of losing love. On this rager, Ozzy just lauds how happy he is, how much he loves this chick. It’s refreshing, yet never mushy.

5) GWAR, “Hate Love Songs” Don’t believe the title—this is a double-negative-littered love song about hating all the things one can’t have, including love (awwww, right?). And hey, when it comes to romance, who else but GWAR?

6) Pantera, “This Love” Ugh, I hate being predictable, but there’s no argument: this is it, THE metal love song. Steeped in rage, confusion, and the hideous pounding of the human heart, “This Love” is an apt representation of being in love with someone. Which says something about love.

The Six Best Metal Hate Songs

1) The Haunted, “Hate Song” Wow, I didn’t even need to do any work for this one. A raging thrash anthem to unadulterated rage, especially powerful with Peter Dolving screaming, “HATE!” over and over.

2) Overkill, “I Hate” While slightly comical, this track from the essential Years Of Decay is a laundry list of every type of human being that a teenage metalhead has ever wanted to crush underfoot—but most of all, it’s about you. I hate you.

3) Naglfar, “And the World Shall be Your Grave” So pretty much every black-metal song is about hatred, but this one packs one vivid punch—“The day you die is the day I smile/Salvation lies in the nuclear fire.” Awesome.

4) Marilyn Manson, “The Reflecting God” Manson’s magnum opus has a simple message: If Manson became God, he’d kill all of you. Me, too. It’s not the most crushing song on earth, but it’s misanthropy defined, without a hint of whininess. No salvation, no forgiveness.

5) Tool, “Hooker with a Penis” If there’s one universal truth, it’s that no one likes a snob-ass poser. Tool’s ballad to fair-weather-fan assholes is an enraged burst of vitriol aimed at the snarky fuck every musician has grown to hate.

6) Pantera, “Fucking Hostile” The Texas boys’ break-neck anthem of animosity towards any and all restrictive authority figures makes you want to break something the minute it comes on. Accept no substitutes. Fucking…fucking…fucking…